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You love each other. So why does it sometimes feel like you're on opposite teams?
Less Shame More Understanding. A stronger, safter US
Learn to recognize the patterns keeping you stuck, communicate with greater understanding, and create a relationship where both of you feel heard, valued, and emotionally safe.
When Shame Shows Up in Marriage
COUPLES COURSE
Shame tells us to hide.
Grace invites us to be known.
Sometimes the argument is about the dishes. Sometimes, beneath it, is a much more tender question: Am I enough? Do I matter to you? Can you love me here, too?
Shame can show up as defending, blaming, shutting down, or trying to get everything right. Together, you’ll explore these patterns with curiosity and compassion.
This course brings Christian faith and practical relationship tools into the hard conversations—making space for truth, mercy, accountability, and a safer kind of love.
Learn to move from “protect me” to “PROTECT US.”
In This Course, You'll Learn How to:
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Recognize how shame shows up in your marriage
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Identify what gets triggered in each partner
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Respond without escalating conflict
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Speak vulnerably without attacking or withdrawing
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Repair after painful interactions
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Build a stronger, more connected relationship
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Why does my partner become defensive so quickly?
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Why do we keep having the same argument?
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Why do small comments create such big reactions?
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How do I tell my partner what I need without making them feel attacked?
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How can we make our marriage feel safer for both of us?
You'll Explore Questions Like:
This Course Includes:
Everything you need to understand your conflict patterns and begin creating a safer, more connected marriage.
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8 Short Video Lessons
Approximately 15–20 minutes each, designed to be watched together at your own pace. -
Couples Workbook
Guided exercises to help you identify your cycle, triggers, protective responses, and needs. -
Practical Conversation Exercises
Learn to slow down conflict, speak vulnerably, listen differently, and repair after hurt. -
Scripture & Reflection Prompts
Bring your faith into the process through Scripture, personal reflection, and couple discussion. -
PROTECT US Plan
Bring everything together into a personalized plan for handling conflict as a team—moving from “protect me” to “protect us.” -
Weekly 15-Minute Marriage Check-In
A simple practice you can continue using after you finish the course. -
12 Months of Course Access
Revisit the videos and exercises as your relationship grows. -
$97 for the Complete Course
INSIDE THE COURSE
A path back
to connection.
01
Same Fight, Different Day
Discover the cycle underneath your arguments.
Why do you keep having the same fight—even when the subject changes? Learn to recognize the recurring pattern between you and shift the focus from who is wrong to what is happening between us.
02
When Shame Enters the Room
Recognize what may be hiding underneath conflict.
Shame doesn't always look like shame. It can appear as anger, defensiveness, criticism, perfectionism, or withdrawal. Learn to recognize the deeper messages that can fuel your reactions.
03
The Armor We Wear
Understand how each of you protect yourself.
Discover how fighting, withdrawing, shutting down, fixing, or becoming defensive can protect what's happening underneath—and identify your own pattern.
04
Creating a Safe Marriage
Make it safer to tell each other the truth.
Learn what emotional safety looks like in everyday marriage and practice listening, validating, and responding in ways that make vulnerability possible.
05
Push Pause
Learn how to stop a fight without abandoning each other.
Recognize when you're becoming overwhelmed and learn how to take a healthy pause, regulate yourself, and return to the conversation instead of escalating or shutting down.
06
From Protection to Connection
Change the way you respond when you're triggered.
Turn criticism, defensiveness, and withdrawal into more vulnerable communication. You'll practice new language for expressing what you're feeling and what you actually need. Learn how to repair after you've hurt each other.
07
Grace in Marriage
Make room for two imperfect people to love each other well.
Explore the difference between correction and condemnation, responsibility and shame, and what it means to offer your spouse grace without avoiding accountability.
08
PROTECT US
Choose the Relationship When Conflict Gets Hard
Bring everything you've learned together to recognize your cycle, understand what each of you needs, and practice moving from self-protection toward protecting your connection.
Not a relationship without conflict
This Course Is For You If…
You love each other but keep getting caught in the same arguments.
You want to communicate without immediately becoming defensive or shutting down.
You want to understand what’s really happening underneath the criticism, defensiveness, anger, or withdrawal.
You want practical relationship tools that are grounded in both clinical understanding and Christian faith.
THE GOAL
A relationship where you can tell the truth, take responsibility, offer grace, repair what gets broken, and find your way back to each other.
You don’t have to keep having the same fight.
Hi, I’m Ha.
I’m Ha Alberti, LCSW, a couples therapist, writer, and speaker. I’ve spent years sitting with people who love each other but keep getting caught in painful patterns.
Often, underneath criticism, defensiveness, anger, or withdrawal is something more vulnerable: shame.
I created this course to help you recognize what’s happening underneath the conflict, understand the protective reactions that keep you disconnected, and learn how to create more emotional safety with each other.